I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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