How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
