So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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