Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.