They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?