The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.