I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver