Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
