the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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