you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
