Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My vagina just recognized that song.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Vodka?
Forever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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