he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
