Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
