After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
