have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
