he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
