She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
