apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
