Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
