this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
