i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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