I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
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I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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