I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
