her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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