you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
