and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
