Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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