Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
