we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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