My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
