My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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