she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
