So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
