Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
