How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
