after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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