Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
