If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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