My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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