I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My feet surprised me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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