Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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