Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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