3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
