i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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