You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
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The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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