no, he came in my armpit
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
