So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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