You can't motorboat a personality
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
