She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
