do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
