brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
