He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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