I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
