Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
