Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
