I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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