come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
