Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
