speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
