You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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