awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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