I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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