opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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