He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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