Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
