I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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