He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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