Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
