I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
In America we eat man semen.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
