you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
