I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
