His pubic hair was longer than his dick
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
