i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize