some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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