Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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