I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You may now shotgun with the bride
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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