So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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